RENOVATION!

Orientation starts next week! Thank God I got quite a nice hall (I heard), Hall One! It’s a twin sharing with attached bathroom. Don’t know who’s my room mate yet, hopefully she’s a nice person. And I can’t wait to study again after 9 months, it’s been a while yea. Hope I get good and helpful lecturers and a bunch of really nice classmates too.

It’s amazing, these 9 months been quite awesome as I looked back. Nothing is wasted, nothing could be labelled as regrets, nothing could be regarded as insignificant and small. Everything is in His hands, even for things that hurt and caused to a great fall, because I know I learn something everytime and always be able to run into His arms and walk even stronger with Him. And I am more focus what truly life’s about, knowing even more that I couldn’t take control of things(don’t be a control freak!) and there’s nothing wrong to be serious in everything in life, to set apart, do the right thing and called to be holy. These 9 months, really been amazing, God spoke a lot to me, tuning me into the right channel 心意更新, constantly be alert and willing to be changed. So sorry people, sometimes rite, I just don’t know how to express myself in words, but I always have a lot to tell.. haha.

I THINK I NEED TO RENOVATE MY BLOG. I MIGHT CLOSE IT ANYTIME. hehe.

Proposal Paparazzi

I think time flies quickly.

It’s like ever since work, I think I cut down a lot of time for myself and some quality time for things I like and ppl I love. Weekdays are like working days, watch the sunrise when I brush my teeth and the sunset in the bus. Saturday morning is work again, afternoon have quick lunch then rush to Teenz. Sunday is like sunday service/cbc then go home and sleep until evening. But well, I always motivate myself telling myself that I find rest in Him and I kinda find certain joy in all these. Sometimes I also find little fun in work like doodling post ups and imagining things, observing people when traveling. haha. =p

I always saw these pretty flowers/trees on the road side and I kinda like this one the most. The one in church.

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I think right, I want to get a big fat juicy proper camera. Just thinking..

Actually I have a dream. To be a wedding photographer. Yesh, oh yesh.

I just think that wedding photographs can be very creative, true and dreamy. Is like I just feel happy and excited looking at wedding albums and photos, especially those that are not studio that kind, like those candid shots on the wedding day itself. It just shows all the true emotions of people and little things.

And I came across this job fun called proposal paparazzi. Is like you are hired to be some sort of paparazzi to take shots of wedding proposal. I think every female out there will most probably shouting “EH!! I WANT THIS!”.. Guys, I’m not too sure though. hahah..

Some thing like this…

I think it’s still not very popular here right? hmm. I should start a business provided if I am a good camera woman. hmm.. HAHAHAH!

Is this a good excuse to get a camera? lol.

More of Life

Busking under the sun, with breeze and everything nice, just close your eyes.. It feels good! (:

I love walking in the crowd and sitting in public places, it makes me wonder and have many many thoughts in mind about people, about things, about circumstances and about life. Then continue walking and questioning God. Though I don’t get immediate answer always, but somehow someday something will just reveal it all. And even perhaps I’ve already forgotten about it and the answers will just come, triggers that long ago questions I used to ask and hearing as if God whispering to me “you see? so now you know…“. Then I’ll just smile and walk down to the memory lane, back to the time why I ask why/how/what. Then continue walking and smiling, thinking “hah! me so silly! God u’re so cute!” (:

Then it goes on and on.. perhaps until one day I don’t have to do that. I can just speak face to face like how Moses in the bible did with that extra sweet embrace and I will know I am at Home. (:

Okay, 1st resolution for 2009!!

I’ve decided to wake up early and take my bread of life every morning in the park near by. Told ya I’ve been feeling very very very weird lately rite? I think I’m missing something which I can’t even explain what it is (it’s just very weird!) and is like no more woohah-whoa-wow exclamation marks in life that really really amazed me, no joy! I just feel that I want to have a deeper relationship, like another phase in the walk with God to make this journey on earth more exciting.

The desire to really want God in life, in every aspect and not to show this life to the world or anyone.

Ageing

I am so tired. Huaylee huaylee messy and mehhni mehhni things on my mind.

I think kids nowadays are super super mature than I thought. Little girls in CBC that used to run around and telling me how disgusting boys now learn how to dress up, taking pictures of themselves and telling me which boy is cute. Emily used to tell me that one day she will grow taller than me and now she is. I feel old sometimes.  On the other side, I feel weird for some reason. haha. Ageing process. haix?

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This week is full of drama. I really need anger management. haha. I feel that mummy’s mood is like the weather, so unpredictable. Then the Clark Hatch gym people called that day to work for them and they allow me to have off on Sunday, work on the morning shift and a good pay with commission, but I rejected them and feel a bit bad. =X Partly because I want to work in the art/design school and get more exposure in things I like and also be able to go to Teenz on Saturday. Pay wise, of course the gym is so much better, but is okay. And the other day the art/design school send me their appointment letter and the wages is like lower than what we agreed, so I am quite angry? And sometimes I’m thinking why am I choosing the path not taken instead of a safer and guaranteed journey and not even knowing what will be the outcome. When everyone is happily in their 2nd/3rd year or finishing diploma, I’m still wondering will I fail my parents, will I be outstanding, will I be old and the unwise. haha. Unnecessary worries duh, I guess everything will be fine, it always will.

I’m back home, who’s and what’s there dare to ruin me.

huaylee huaylee cute right? Totally brighten up my week! (:

I want to have many many many kids in future. I will tie ribbons and plaits for my girls and red bows for my boys. And I will teach them drawing, send them to ballet/ballroom dancing lessons. Girls shall learn drum/electric guitar and boys shall learn piano/violin. Guitar wait until their teenage years and learn from friend. wahahahah. And I will bring them around far away from the urban, let them play in mud and catch butterflies. Tell them bible stories and how I met your father. haha. Make them breakfast every morning and invite their friends to our house and play. And tell them they are precious, special and I love them every night before bed. Take many many pictures of them, the first time they walk, they eat, they grow their first tooth and every little things in life. My kids will be the cutest, coolest and most awesome God fearing generation. lalalalala~ XD

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence

Twilight

Twilight is nice, but I was distracted so badly by my bruuhhhdeeers, they make me laughed so much for such a movie. They think it’s boring while I quite like it (especially Edward Cullen I find him quite charming..heh). Maybe most guys will never like romance movie. Shuhui is so right! Twilight is really a nice story!! *thankew thankew*

Nice catching up sessions. Time past, people do change, but sweet old time memories will never. And I think all my good good old friends are still the same, goofy, very very lame and boys being boys. Movie, games and drinks @ Senze Cafe, Steamboat @ Weicheng with my homegrown bruuhhhdeeers make a happy esther today! (:

Retards. haha!

Snakes and Ladders!

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I really really really really can’t wait Chiamun to finish her exam! It’s been a while since we last met and got so so many things to catch up. =p And also Kenneth and Mok will be coming back to Malaysia this Wed! Then we shall have a big big homegrown meetups. Heard we’re playing touch rugby and also flying kites!

Sometimes is a bit sad that everyone is almost a grown up now, all over part of Malaysia and the world, pursuing dreams and careers, changing and meeting new people, then those good old days could only be kept in heart. Hardly could really “talk” and do things together like old times. I am seriously a very very nolstalgic person. But is also kinda cool that everyone is at everywhere doing different things and exploring beautiful life. I guess it is still very good to be young and free. Maybe that’s the way it should be. And maybe when you’re still so vibrant, should just enjoy that cool and carefree life, trying all the things, fulfiling dreams, loving God and stop worrying, thinking and twirling around with messy emotions. Yea, I feel that God is reminding me not to compare and really take things slowly. Enjoy the present  moment which that’s why it’s called a gift. (:

When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, is it not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end?

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Twilight-

Edward Cullen: I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.
Isabella Swan: Then don’t

Isabella Swan: I’m afraid now.
Edward Cullen:  Good.
Isabella Swan: I’m not afraid of you. I’m just afraid of losing you.

Job Seeking

Aw.

I’ve rejected 3 great working opportunities because require to work on weekends. =X

Then today another company call, same situation. Then I say sorry I am not interested. At night she called again telling me we can negotiate, that one day off can be on Sunday. I am a bit elated, but this also means that Saturday might not be able to go to Teenz depending on shift and I so don’t know what’s the shift’s timing. Sometimes I am thinking am I too demanding or the working time is memangggggg like that in the adult world. hmm..

Friday is the interview. The first in my life. Nervous?

I am still thinking should I go or not. I’m like so small size and kiddo looking, they might be disappointed from what they hear and will they be judgemental people and underestimate my capability despite my size? And is like what should I wear for interview? If too formal is it very funny? But is always better to be more formal than not formal right? Then then if the shifts need me to work at night how? And my transport has slight problem, my home is so far far away from town! And my main concern is still I might not be able to go Teenz!! But above all, maybe that day I will see 24365768789 people queueing for interview and they just selecting 10 people. I’ve got so much what if and imaginary situations floating in my tiny little mind.

Pardon me for all my rambles, I’m just paranoid.

Is not like some superior top quality high class job, but I just need a job for quite a long break.

I choose that long break choice instead of continuing my further studies on January. It feels so not good that I am now a grown up but squatting at home heading to an very unknown future. Sometimes is it worth it to not to regret for the path not taken and tell myself when I am old “at least I’ve tried” or maybe the dreams, hopes and such are just in vain that don’t worth the wait and should not be a risk taker. Is it good to defy the reality or are we putting it in a nice way of saying taking a leap of faith and there is always greater things have yet to come. Sometimes I dream a bit that in future when I start working, I can bring my whole family travel to Australia. And I can bring Matthew to Disneyland, Samuel to eat good food all around the world we saw in 美食大三通。 Maybe also provide my parents things they always wanted to have it but always don’t dare to buy it. For whatever it is, I am abit clueless yet still trying to be very positive about it. Isn’t life is always like that? Moving from another phase to another unknown excited unpredictable prepared phase?

I am still summershanshine. heh. (:

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here’s what my sweetheart said.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Of Home and Thoughts

I find it very funny or rather interesting.

Everytime when I’m back, ppl will ask either these 2 questions:

“Since when you’re back(home)?”

“When are you going back(college)?”

And the prolong conversation will be:

“How are you?”

“When are you coming back for good?”

“EXAM AR?”

“Still got how long to go?”

After that, there’s nothing to continue for the conversation. And is like, the same regards, same questions every few months. It’s a bit awkward and strange sometimes. wahahaha. But what else to talk right? Sometimes trying too hard to make the conversation more interesting, I tend to talk too much I think. And I always have this tendency to feel guilty of talking too much and feeling embarrassing as the aftermath effect, YES ALWAYS. Well, maybe it’s just me. (:

Sometimes right, I really feel much like a stranger. More and more.

OR

I should just disappear for a long time and just TADAHHHH one day.

More suspense, more dramatic ;D (I joke I joke! =p)

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Anyway, I don’t think I will be around in JB for like a few years, still planning. Nothing is sure, but I just sense it. I’m still being very fickle minded. Actually I really miss home most of the time, more than anyone could imagine. When I say home I mean family and church. Sometimes very reluctant to miss out the part of “home” for my late teenage and early adult life.

Last time, I always thought of leaving and explore the “world” and maybe the moon is brighter, grass are greener on the other side. Then, I realise nothing beats home yet I felt like a stranger now.

Anyone understands and could explain this? hmm..

On The Way Back Home

黑白灰

对与错

交叉口

看不透

为什么

这样子

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孤单是走在人群中

还是一人围绕寂静

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幸福是拥有而珍惜

还是没有时而感恩

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可能未知是一种美

无形的美叫信望爱

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可能什么都很清楚

会蒙蔽恩典的存在

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往事地毯扫净

整理记忆抽屉

晒干泪湿枕头

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回到最初的温暖.

Quiet In Your Arms

Took a bus down to KTM station and went all the way to Mid Valley last Friday because I’m too bored and need to go jalan jalan a while to have a good full stop for my “vacation”.

Although I get to eat my happy happy sushi (yesh, me lovey lovey sushi! ;D) and came back with a pair of new flip flop and a tee shirt, I think the greatest thing I had today was meeting this cute little boy. They always say, little things are often the things that make you smile the longest, kinda true.(:

Where am I where am I?

Huh? Why are looking and smiling at me?

*LOOK AT THOSE CHUBBY BABY FATS!!* X)

Do you think I will hold back for what is the best for you?

Stop thinking who when how where..

shh…

Just quiet in My arms and explore the world with heart wides open

God speaks again. (:

These few days my place is very quiet and lonely because everyone is back to their hometown, Exam is coming, too many books and notes I can’t bring back home, so gotta allocate well the time spent at home and time spent for revising over here, hence this explains why although is raya break I am not going back home. Anyway, I’m going back this Friday! Saturday is Yong Thai and Jacq’s wedding and my cousin’s 21st birthday party! I shall just tahaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnn 2 more days and I can go back home! wee~

Maybe when you stop thinking and overwhelm by your own problems you get to see the brighter side and bigger picture. Like Jaeson Ma’s rap in Awaken The Dawn “I stop to think, You start to speak. And when You start to speak, You speak so loud”. The key is, stop to think. HAHAHA! =p

Happy Hari Raya break!

Obedience

If a baby stops crying, she gets an ang gu gu, ah-chak!

If a kindergarten kid behaves herself, she gets lollipop.

If a primary school kid finishes her homework, she gets happy meal.

If a secondary student gets a lot a lot As, she gets the hottest gadgets.

Does obedience always come with a reward? (:

Happy Birthday Malaysia!