Hiding Place

Had a nice talk with En Hui on Saturday night, guess God is tuning a lot areas in my life, even more than I realize, which is good. And glad that Tian and Shu Hui came to my house, we had a great time talking and learning photoshop. (:

Anyway, my first time learning driving! The steering is really difficult to turn, maybe I need to eat more and I might end up with muscles on my arm. haha! And I think my legs are short, so it’s quite difficult to step on the clutch. And and and now finally I understand why some ppl they take off their shoes to drive, just to feel it you know you know. hahaha! For the first time, I think I did quite okay. *pat pat on shoulder!* I will do it better next time and get my license!! Practice more! Anyone want to give me extra classes? wahahhahaha…

Alrite, I am very sleepy now, still got a lot things to do. My head is so heavy.

I love this song. A cry, a desire.  Good night people!

Draw me ever closer to look upon Your face.. I will run, to the hiding place.

Let Me Tell You A Story

Yesh, I have a story to tell.

I was miserable, very bitter for the past few weeks or even months. The reason is simple, because I just think that I’m such a lost kid, don’t really know where to go, what to do in the future. And I could have just choose a very safe path which was also initially the path that I planned, continue studying in Inti this early January or maybe March or even June for law and then fly to Leeds for final year, get to enjoy a different kind of life in the overseas. Actually I struggled a lot especially during those intake dates. And my A-levels results were just unexpected. I got 1A2B, A for law which is so l-o-l. (Seriously that was just unexpected). And yet, I didn’t go for law, so it somehow sometimes makes me thinks that I am weird. It’s like, okay.. my results show that I think I can study law ler… Then I actually quite like law and everyone thinks that law is something. And why not?

And the thing about decision making is that I’m always afraid. Then this time right, I made a really really really sudden swift to drop the law thought and decide to study art and design. I get a bit scolded for being indecisive and lots of comments. I don’t know where this thought came from, but I just feel it’s something exciting. Partly also I rmb someone once prayed for me before that he saw I’m painting a very nice and big canvas and these “colours” will be a blessing to people. And also perhaps I miss here too much and I don’t want to leave. I really struggle a lot thinking about the future prospect and stuff. There and then I realised I’ve always been a “timid” person, always seeking for what is the safest, setting my mind in that little square box and going beyond to where only I can see. I am just too realistic, always wanted something concrete, no faith no faith.

So, I worked and waited. I struggled a lot in working also. Then I struggled again and again why do I need to work now instead of studying. I feel really lousy at times and I feel old. And I questioned a lot about life, about love, about money, about future, about people and about God. I felt like time just ticking very fast yet I am wasting my youth doing something isn’t really exciting. And I have no time for this and that yet I am wasting time doing things other people not doing it. But God is faithful, he always have very funny ideas to answer my questions through things and through people.

Yet right, I’m always still not sure is my decision a good one. And too much what if.

Yeap, I applied NAFA and NTU. Just these 2. It’s compulsory to take diploma instead of degree in NAFA, in short I will waste my 2 years of A-levels, so I was hoping to get in NTU more, but I thought I should still keep NAFA as spare. Actually, I miss the date for NAFA’s interview and pleaded(not in a desperate way ya!)  for another interview session. Then I waited and waited for the reply. I got their reply, I was accepted, but I didn’t get the major that I wanted, they want me to change course. I called them and their reply was “is either the course is already full or you’re just not good enough”. So, I sorta a bit disappointed and gave in since I might really am not good enough so NTU might be even tougher, so I sent back that letter and changed course, at least I still can have a place to study. But still… hmm..

Still I continue to hope that I can get NTU. But their requirements like those portfolio and stuff, I seriously afraid that I might not be good enough and my A-levels I didn’t have General Paper, I didn’t go for IELTS test also and I have 1A only . Then last week, I got NAFA’s letter again. This time, they wrote congratulations and I need to pay a sum around 1000SGD as registration fee before 8 May otherwise the offer will lapse.

So, I was stuck-ed. NTU didn’t gave me a reply yet. And so it was bad. Plus plus some of my friend’s friends got replied already but not me :X

I called NTU, they say wait, not sure when. :X

And last week I lost my old nike shoe in church, somehow one of it was missing, VERY FUNNY RITE! =( Then I got a bit upset coz that pair was with me since secondary school time and now left one only. We had LDP and Persis shared 失去是最好的考验。This phrase hit me a bit hard, as if God speaking right to my heart. Not about that missing shoe, but am I prepare to lose myself into God’s hand and trust Him. hmmmmmm…. *chim-nism*

Last Thursday, I was bored in office. Shu Hui told me NTU’s staffs are efficient, so I decided to “try”. hahahahah! I wrote an email telling them I urgently need the result. And my replied was “Dear Shanlei, don’t worry, you’ll get your reply this evening or tomorrow.” THEN I CONSTANTLY CHECKED MY MAIL AND REFRESH THE PAGE LIKE MAD THAT DAY. HAHAHAHAH!!! No news and I dock off. =.=

Then Then Then at night, I decided to just try and check my mail, but I doubt so I will get a reply because it’s after office hour already.

TO MY SURPRISE THERE IS ONE WITH THE TITLE “APPLICATION OUTCOME”

*I CLICKED!*

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Greetings from the Nanyang Technological University, Singapore! I am very pleased to inform you that you have been selected for admission to the Nanyang Technological University in academic year 2009-10 for reading Art, Design & Media under the subsidized tuition fee category.

I believe that our rigourous academic curriculum coupled with other exciting factors such as the resources, facilities, cutting-edge research, diversity and residential living etc., best define the Nanyang Technological University’s global standing and recognition.   It would be my pleasure to welcome you to the NTU family.

Please let us know your decision on whether you wish to accept our offer of admission at:
https://wis.ntu.edu.sg/pls/webexe/adm_fore_appl.login

The deadline for your acceptance is Wednesday, 27 May 2009.

Your selection from a pool of highly qualified applicants is a strong recognition of your academic achievement and our belief that you will Take The Lead as a student of the NTU community.  I extend to you my heartiest congratulations and look forward to your participation in a challenging and stimulating academic grooming at NTU.

Dr Lalit Goel, PhD
Dean of Admissions
Nanyang Technological University

-

-

-

-

-

I WAS LIKE “I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT”

I teared a little bit. It’s just… sooo… precious to me. Daddy was soooooooooo happy, mummy too! But mummy had a weird question. haha

Mummy: How long your course?

Me: 4 years!

Mummy: No express class wannn arr?

Me: Of couse no lar!

Mummy: Huh.. So long. How old when you graduate?

Me: 25 years old lor!

Mummy: HUH! SO OLD LIAO!

ME: =.=

-

Although I’m THRILLED! I thought I might just be lucky or that course was just not popular. Then I talked to a few people today and my dad, I realized it isn’t about luck, it isn’t about anything, it’s about God’s grace indeed!! Then I started to recall how it was the whole thing and trace back every little thing, all the little things above you’ve just survived to read. And how things happened and some things did not, all these while He is there. SO I DECIDED TO BLOG ABOUT IT SO PLS PARDON ME FOR THIS LONG POST. (:

I really couldn’t express how happy I am and how grateful I am. Seriously, I’m out of words. I’m just plain happy and happy and happy and can’t stop smiling. And I’m happy that I’ve struggled and all these have meant so much more to me now and it all MAKE SENSE THAT WHY IT IS LIKE THAT. 得来真的很不易！！！

I really really really can’t wait to start University and that was just so precious to me.

And it will made me remember so deeply  that I am blessed to study, I am blessed to meet obstacle in studies and I am there because of God’s faithfulness.

Eventhough I have little faith, God can work with even a little faith. “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, `Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.”

It’s 3.08am now. I think I should stop. hahahahahah. Perhaps you’ll be thinking I am blabbering too much, probably that’s because you still can’t feel how grateful and happy I am. DID I JUST MENTION GRATEFUL AND HAPPY AGAIN? =p

I’ve Resigned. (:

I’ve handed my resignation letter today (:

Somehow I was a bit afraid but my boss responded with a smile and even asked the HR department to write a testimonial for me. That was…. just unexpected.

Actually I’ve learnt a lot, met a lot nice people also. Used to wonder why. Why I need to work while my friends were studying their 2nd year in Uni already. Why I need to choose to wait. I guess now I know what God wants me to learn. I guess I’ll treasure time, people, experience and studies more. And so much more.

Eventhough I still don’t know which place exactly I’ll be going, I’ve learnt that, just wait, just trust. It will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end yet. (:

Young Lady

Samuel called asking me whether I’ll be coming back by bus or will I be going back home for dinner. I told him I will be back home but maybe a bit later, thought of buying some nice stuff for myself. I was happy. Daddy called also asking me anything extra I want to eat. I said is okay, I want to eat what mummy cooks.  Actually I suggested we dined outside for something nice, I pay for it but mummy thinks shouldn’t. Then after work, I called home. Told mummy again I will be back home for dinner but a bit later. She said she won’t be cooking, she’s too tired. I was puzzled why Samuel asked me will I be back home, I realised that’s because he wanted to use the car to date his gf. No wonder. no wonder.

I walked in the mall. Top up my phone’s credit because I wil get 50% bonus credit for what I top up, digi user.”100 bucks, thanks.” The digi salesgirl looked at me and asked why. “It’s my birthday.” She looked at me again, longer.

Reluctantly I walked and walked, passed by beautiful clothes and nice candy shops. Passerby and strangers. I did not bought anything and was about to went home. I saw a guy smiling and waving at me, he looks very familiar but just couldn’t think of who he is. He asked me why am I alone, I don’t know what to say, just  smiled and said bye. Crossing the CIQ to bus stop, I saw a TnT member, Biscuit or something. Wanted to smiled at him but he didn’t noticed me.

Then I got in my bus, thinking. I forgot why I cried. Perhaps I was tired. Perhaps I was afraid of what may come for the next 20 years. Perhaps I was thinking the past 20 years I had. Perhaps because I was no longer a teen. Perhaps because I’m expected to be treated as grown up. Perhaps I’m always different. Perhaps I don’t know why. Prisc texted me and it was very encouraging to me at that moment. “He doesn’t change”, really cuts my heart and tears began to flow.

I got back home. Cooked myself high class instant noodle with an egg and 5 fishballs, not too bad for instant noodle I thought. Matthew wished me and happily shared the cake with me, some student at work bought for me. They also bought me chocolate and full cream milk because they just knew it and that’s what they could get from petrol kiosk, it was really really sweet I thought. (: One colleague and a few students bought me a cheese cake too, that colleague also gave me a very small pendrive as present. (: Thank you everyone who wished in facebook and sms or call too. (:

Well, today my cg got me a handmade card. (: Prisc got me a card too and lovely lovely daisy. (: Sunday I will be meeting my good buddies in secondary school for dinner. (:

• **

So much to tell.

I wonder if I had 20 years more, will I still portray myself walking alone waiting and chasing shooting star where everybody thought that me myself am the star in this beautiful galaxy with many many other stars.. I guess, at least I’ve also always portray myself walking alone but Jesus holding my hand and I’m never alone. (:

Maybe I just miss playing see-saw and kiss the sky with slippers off my feet.

Maybe I just miss being hug high up and spin along with wind brushing through my hair.

Of errors and mistakes, of unwritten and unspoken, of regrets and sorrows, God trade it all with joy, hope, love and peace. Thank you. (: For 20 years and many more 20 years to come, thank you. (:

Happy 20th birthday, young lady.

Sudden Death

Dinner is gone.

It just happened that it died tragically with all his legs broken all over the beautiful house of his unknowingly/no trace/no reason while the day before it was still as active as ever.

I don’t even get to keep the shell as momento because some remaining body parts are inside, it’s just cruel to dig it out. So I buried everything.

Anyway, I’m not super sad, just 有感情了.

Spotted by Siow Ching in Cheras pasar malam, and it was love at first sight then treat it with care, some boring nights and days in college playing with it, observing it and smuggle inside hostel telling people it’s science project. Then was planning to smuggle to Singapore in the future if I study there. It’s clean, quiet and cute. But it’s gone now. It’s a good pet all the while. (:

So, How’s The Interview?

I went for NAFA Interview last Saturday. Required to bring quite some stuff and thanks to Alex for the many many magazines!

My parents brought me in and I went up to the 2nd floor, it was flooded with a lot a lot cool and stylish people. I was a bit shocked because never really expected that much of people will attend that interview and I was feeling the tension.

I.. carry a handbag, a bag of magazines(heavy!!), another bag of all my stuff(watercolour, pencil colour, tools, brushes and etc). Felt like a LOST KID WITH MANY THINGS.

NOT COOL. hahaha..

But seriously, I think they look mature, don’t really know how old are them, I really do feel like a lost kid. And they really have that designer look, some just look weird and messy. haha.. =p

So, the 1st part required us to do observational drawing, draw something you have that time in 3 different perspective in 1 hour. Hence, I drew my wallet! But too bad, I din managed to finish shading the 3rd picture.

2nd part was poster design. Using all the magazines and media we have to make a poster according to the theme given. There were 3 themes, but I only clearly understood the 3rd theme- New Technology. I name it as “Into Enthu- The Big Noise”. lol.

Don’t know how well I did, but quite satisfied with my performance. So, now just sit and wait for their reply meanwhile busy busy busy doing assignments, portfolio and essay for NTU’s application.

***

I wish I have more time seriously yet I like to keep myself occupied, irony.

Weekdays-work, after work-travel, eat and sleep.

Weekends-cg, church, cbc and preparations for application.

I guess everyone is not less busy too. I guess. (:

As usual, my mind is always in the thinking mode, just recently some stuff came across my mind. I’ll blog more if I have more time. (:

Oh ya! You- album launching concert is tomorrow! All are welcome! It’s 3pm at Full Gospel Church, Johor Jaya, ask me more for details.

Have a great weekend everyone!

*yay! it’s 6pm, off to bus stop and more great conversation, argument, Q&A sessions. (: *

Happy People

Leisure Farm,Gelang Patah

Bryan wrote a very interesting post. (:

TGIF- Siao Ting’s Farewell

CNY Bai Nian

Yan’s dog, very adorable and hyper

Charlene, also very adorable and hyper

Friendship since sec school (:

Mok and Tian. Sweetest couple. (:

Back to battleground work..

**

The end for summer break, all the farewells and CNY.

Let That Be Enough

Busy busy busy. Being a receptionist, secretary, photocopy girl, stationary keeper/seller, student’s helper, book keeper, stock checker and admin assistant, basically I don’t have much break. Sometimes will be a bit free and I will have my own pleasure by doodling post ups and give it to colleagues or just read my book. Everytime looking at students preparing art work, drawing and attending classes, it always makes me feel like I’m much older. In fact I’m actually same age or younger than them.  And when those older people talk to me, I always feel like I’m naive and being the-world-is-a-beautiful-place-with-nice-people-always girl. Well, at least when the world is not as beautiful as I thought, I choose to believe that God made all things beautiful. I love those little chats with lecturers and students, I love interacting with people.

Everyday I will be the earliest to the office, open the gate and door. Turn on the radio, switch on the air cond and open every single classrooms, toilets. I do a little prayer before everyone comes in, read proverbs for widom to recharge my day and it’s always a very quiet morning alone. Always imagine things in the future and just thinking.

Then work.

I will turn off the lights and air-cond then go home by bus when the sun light slowly fading. Although the journey back home is long and need to walk on those busy roads in the town alone, seems dangerous, I quite enjoy it. Love to listen to my MP3 and thinking. It seems like I’m back to my secondary school time. Just wondering why I was alone and now I am still alone on these familiar places. haha.

-

Oh ya! My results will be out this Wednesday! Then I shall apply for my uni! I’m in the midst of preparing my portfolio. The other day, one lecturer in my work place was telling me that I should go Europe to study, she was in Belgium. The school fee is surprisingly really cheaper than Singapore and a better place to study because most schools are government funded but living expenses are higher. One day if I’m financially capable, I want to go travel around. (:

-

Sigh. I have 470 contacts in msn, 487 friends in fb, but I found none to talk to.

Anyway, my weekend was fun and finally I had a break. Went to Leisure Farm at Gelang Patah with all my happy people. I love the mafia game, so addicted to it. But well, most of them will be going back to Australia soon as summer is ending and those Poly peeps will start busy for their projects and assignments. I think the last meeting for this year might be this coming CNY.

-

I wish I had what I need
To be on my own
‘Cause I feel so defeated
And I’m feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I’m a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

I love this song. Let that be enough. (:

Have a nice week!

SuperWHOAman, not!

Sentosa (Siloso/Pahlawan Beach!) with cg(s)!

My very very good sisters!!! I’m so blessed!

You only see this in JB okayy.. =p

All of us!

New Year Countdown with the gangstar at Dhanish’s house

Dhanish got the whole DJ set thingy. Cool right?

“Hi, this is Dr Summershanshine” HAHAHAHA!

They even did a countdown timer and project it!

My work place!

I love this corridor!

I dare not to show my desk coz it’s wayyy too messy with all the papers/post ups around from basically EVERYONE. Something about my job! I started working already in an art academy. I quite like it, all the staff are quite nice to me and feed me with a lot info. Lecturers also very friendly, some quite young, artsy  and good looking. Oh ya! Students also quite friendly to all the staff and they are very loud. Principal is strict, but well I get to learn in a way and I have many “interesting” stories to tell. A lot things to do everyday and it seems like I always never get a rest except lunch break. My friend says I am like superwoman after hearing what I actually did in a day. But I really can learn a lot as in besides admin stuff, how to deal with works, PR SKILLS, I can also know a lot things about art, design, video editing, adobe, education and such. All I ask is that God will give me wisdom to deal with people, my work and grant me a teachable heart. I hope I will enjoy this “ride” and it’s another journey of my life. (:

Oh ya, my new year resolution has to change a bit. Instead of having my own quiet time at the nearby park, I will switch it to my office stair case! Why? because I am always the earliest to the office and no one is around. Then why am I earliest? not because I am a good worker (well maybe I am. AHAHAHA! =p), is because my dad drops me to work and he has to rush back to his place. Anyway, that stair case has a big window and I can see the big bright morning sun, the big cross on convent school and the big traffic jam!

Hmm.. Working is fun, tedious and challenging. It requires a lot of wisdom, guarding your toungue and a quick mind. And also is not really like a playground for you to play, but everything you do, ppl expect you to be an adult. I really love the place, the staff and taking public bus back home everyday.

Quite tiring seriously.

But when I saw all the warm nice home cooked food at dining table

Smiles from Matthew asking me “how’s work esther?!”

Then telling all the “interesting” stories to daddy and mummy

And Samuel teasing me telling me I am sure going to be bullied. blehhh..

Home. (:

Christmas Tree

I wish one day I can put up christmas tree with my kids in future. lalalala~

-

A pleasing day. (:

Talking to Uncle James, Aunty Yee Khim and all the adults, always enlightened a bit. Nice.

Everyone loves my shy shy Dinner, Miss Chu found out Dinner is left handed. hah!

Much thinking, reminisce, dreaming after long tiring day. A struck of emotional waves like tsunami, unaware.

Anyway, Jia Jeng is coming back this Sunday, I’m happy. It’s been a while we last met and talked. (:

-

Anyway, the previous Job Seeking post, are just plain unnecessary worries when I read back. BOO! *paiseh* Btw, I’m going for another interview. (Yesh, 2 interviews tomorrow, I hope I get the one working in Art Institute at town area.. hehe). So good to have my buddy with me for the first interview and daddy to spare his car for brother to pick me up.

-

I need to find a new place to talk to God and quiet time. Maybe a park, a corner or somewhere not at home, quiet, spacious and serene. Maybe I should be like one of my college friend who will go into the jungle and be with the presence of God. haha.

Line always bad at my side, talk a while and get disconnected.

Got some deep stuff to tell God.. for quite a while didn’t dig all things out already.